Why We Fall for the Wrong Person (and Why Romance Novels Get It Right)
If there’s one thing romance novels understand better than almost any other genre, it’s this: We don’t fall for the wrong person by accident.
We fall for them because, on some level, they feel familiar.
And if you’ve ever looked back on a relationship and thought, well… that was some choice, you’re not alone.
As both a romance reader and writer, I’ve become a little obsessed with love patterns and choices. So I wrote a story to help me, and hopefully you, make better sense of it all. I mean, why do we repeat patterns in love, or choose emotionally unavailable relationships? And why do they feel irresistible?
More importantly, what finally breaks the cycle?
It’s a question at the heart of my upcoming novel, Crazy Lessons in Love (releasing May 8), and honestly, I think romance novels answer these questions better than real life sometimes does.
We Don’t Fall for the Wrong Person by Accident
First, falling for the wrong person usually feels very right… at the time. They’re exciting, complicated and more than a little bit unpredictable.
They provide an adrenaline rush.
And while we might not consciously think, yes, I would love to date someone emotionally unavailable, we do tend to gravitate toward dynamics that match what we already know.
That’s why stories about emotionally unavailable relationships resonate so deeply—and why readers search for romance novels about love lessons and second chances again and again.
In Crazy Lessons in Love, Jules is about to turn thirty when she realizes she has a pattern. Not a subtle one. Not a maybe-it’s-just-this-one-time pattern. Jules had a full, undeniable track record of choosing the wrong men.
So naturally, her friends dare her to interview five exes and ask what went wrong.
It’s a terrible plan, but it involves very smart women and too much wine, which is exactly why she says yes. If you’ve read Crazy to Believe or Crazy to Dream, you already know the Crazy Eights don’t do things halfway.
And this time? They might have gone too far.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves About Love
One of the most powerful things about romance novels is how clearly they show us the stories we tell ourselves. Because when we’re in the middle of it, we’re not thinking:
- This is a pattern
- This is emotional avoidance
- This is going to end badly
We’re thinking:
- This one is different
- He just needs time
- I’m not looking for something serious now
(That last one: ah, the lies we tell ourselves.)
The truth is, choosing the wrong person often protects us from having to risk the right person. .And that’s exactly why second chance romance books hit us so hard. They force the character—and the reader—to confront what’s really been going on all along.
If you love layered, emotionally intelligent romance, authors like NY Times best-selling author Christina Lauren do this beautifully in books like The Paradise Problem. Her stories balance humor, vulnerability, and real emotional growth in a way that feels both escapist and honest. Or Emily Henry’s very popular, People We Meet On Vacation, all about friendship and love, or is that love and friendship?
Which, let’s be real, is the sweet spot.
Why the “Safe One” Feels So Complicated
Here’s where things get interesting. In romance novels—and in life—the hardest person to choose is often the one who’s actually good for us.
The person I call “The safe one” in Crazy Lessons in Love.
This the guy we overlook when we’re young and stupid. But he’s the guy who shows up.
He listens. He doesn’t play games. So, instead of feeling easy and comfortable, it feels unfamiliar. It’s not what we are used to in relationships.
Trust me, If you’ve spent years navigating emotionally unavailable relationships, stability can feel almost suspicious. You keep looking for the tension, the emotional roller coaster that we confused with chemistry or even love. We miss that uncertainty that kept us constantly on our toes. That adrenaline rush.
This is one of my favorite dynamics to write—and one you’ll see throughout the All’s Crazy in Love series, especially in Artfully Crazy.
Because learning to recognize and seize a healthy relationship? That’s a character arc no romance author can resist.
Although, it’s not always a comfortable one.
Friendship: The Love Story Behind the Love Story
If you’ve read any of the All’s Crazy in Love books, you know this already:
The Crazy Eights are a sounding board, a reality check, the friends every woman longs for, and the reason Jules ends up on this wildly questionable journey in the first place.
My theory, before we get the romantic relationship right, we usually need to get the friendships right. And, IMHO, that’s something modern romance novels are doing exceptionally well.
Take Emily Henry’s Beach Read, for example. Yes, it’s a romance—but it’s also about identity, creative life, and the people who see us clearly when we can’t see ourselves. That layered storytelling—where friendship and personal growth sit alongside romance—is what makes these stories feel real to me.
And it’s exactly what I wanted to bring into Jules’ story.
Why Second Chances Hit Differently
There’s a reason readers actively search for second chance romance books. It’s not just about rekindling a relationship. It’s about returning to it with a newfound clarity.
Because second chances only work if something has changed.
And in the best romance novels, it’s not just the relationship that evolves, it’s the character. In Crazy Lessons in Love, Jules isn’t just revisiting her past—she’s reevaluating every relationship, every choice, each version of herself that she presented with each man.
Until Jules comes face to face with the pressing question: What happens when you finally see your pattern… and you can’t unsee it?
A Love Story Worth Choosing
If romance novels teach us anything, it’s this:
Love isn’t about finding the perfect person. It’s about recognizing the right one when you’re finally ready to choose differently. As my friends and I always say, “It’s not about finding the perfect man; its about finding the perfect man for you.”
That’s the heart of Crazy Lessons in Love. and honestly? It’s the heart of the entire All’s Crazy in Love series.
I write about messy love, because from a big mess characters can build real growth. And in Crazy Lessons in Love, real growth can lead to second chances that can actually mean something.
Coming May 8: Crazy Lessons in Love
So, if you love:
- second chance romance
- emotionally layered love stories
- strong female friendships
- and a heroine figuring it out the hard way
Then Jules’ story is for you.
Preorder Crazy Lessons in Love here
And if you’re new to the series, you can start with:
Or the prequel, Crazy to Wed. (Trust me—you’ll want to meet the Crazy Eights.)
Meanwhile, Let’s Talk Love (the messy kind)
Tell me—have you ever realized you had a “type”… and it wasn’t working for you? Email me or add it the the comments if you are one whose willing to share.
No judgment here.
That’s kind of the whole point.