So much is written these days about self care. I have books on the subject, annual and monthly journals recommending an activity per day, and of course articles and blog posts. But do we even know what self care is? Or why it matters?
Specifically why it matters to authors?
The Different Recognized Pillars of Self Care
If you Google self care, you will get more information than you can possibly absorb, but most of it will be contradictory. There are those who say there are five pillars to self care, others say seven or eight. I am only interested in three, although your mental well-being encompasses your intellectual and spiritual well-being, and certainly addressing one has benefits on all of them.
If we assume the pillars to be some combination of physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, financial, professional and mental, then I am going to write only about physical, emotional and mental. For me, the mental or emotional will often encompass the spiritual.
Then, I am assuming you are intellectually stimulated. You are an author, after all, and likely a solopreneur wearing many hats. You may be juggling too many professional requirements with too few financial resources, but I’m not tackling that subject today.
So, with those assumptions understood and agreed upon, let’s address self care as a form of survival for authors.
Is Self Care Indulgence or Survival?
I always thought of self care as making time for myself, maybe getting a massage or a facial, cramming in some exercise, but late in 2023 I found myself virtually paralyzed from too much sitting. And when I started physical therapy, there beside me week after week was a younger version of myself who was struggling because she sat at a desk too much, too.
Turns out self care is really, truly about taking care of oneself, physically, mentally and emotionally. No matter what. At its core, it is about keeping ourselves alive, fit, able to do this solo and often lonely work, day after day while taking care of all the other aspects of our lives, and hopefully injecting joy into every single day.
So as writers, working alone, how do we ensure that we take care of ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally, daily, consistently? There is no one holding us accountable except ourselves. How do we come to understand the importance of these habits and support them and ourselves? How do we prioritize self care when we are in the zone and the words are flowing, or worse yet, when writer’s block is plaguing us, and we don’t want to do anything at all?
I am not an expert, only an author who learned the cost of neglecting self care the hard way.
I wouldn’t wish it on you. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy—at least not long term. I’m not a saint after all.
So, I am going to share my how’s and why’s of self care in the hopes never to see you at physical therapy on the table beside me. These are the how’s and why’s that go beyond that monthly mani-pedi or lunch with your friends from college.
This is the Self Care Designed to Protect your Life.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am prone to hyperbole, but I swear, this is not exaggeration. My neighbor, and my dear friend is a general practitioner who likes to remind me that “motion is lotion.” The first time she told me this was right after I called her in hysterics before the sun was up on a Saturday morning because I couldn’t sit, or stand, or walk. I was in so much pain I was ready to call an ambulance. She called in a prescription, and calmed me down, and so began a five-month saga of paying the price for failing to move day after day, month after month, then deciding I needed to start walking. I was right, but my body needed time to catch up.
Almost a year later I am still managing the pain sometimes. And I am not alone.
The blog post that got me up and moving was “The Story of My Metamorphosis—Plus a Big Thank-you to my Blog Partners and Guests” by Anne R. Allen. I love reading her wisdom about writing, but her heartrending tale of her own illness is a cautionary tale for every author.
You will have to read the entire post, and believe me, it’s worth it, to understand the title and the reference in this quote, but it doesn’t diminish the message:
Too many hours of sitting without getting up and exercising is a recipe for bad health. I don’t think any of this would have happened if I’d set a timer to get me up every 20 minutes, as doctors and physical therapists recommend.
I would have been more aware of my increasing leg weakness and would have seen my doctor sooner.
So don’t do what I did. It can lead to very bad places. Places where you might have to wear a cockroach suit and feel like a giant vermin.
When I began PT, my therapist told me the exact same thing. Get up and move every 20 minutes. Now I have PT exercises, I do Pilates, I walk outside and in a swimming pool and guess what? When I don’t, I hurt.
Personally, I recommend a walk outside everyday if you can manage it. Leave the earbuds at home and spend half an hour alone with your thoughts. You will be more creative, and you will sleep better. And it’s good for your mental health.
This is Self-Care Designed to Benefit Your Head
Author Mike Gayle admitted his loneliness is “The Loneliness of the Full-Time Writer” in 2021, long after the internet and social media ‘connected’ everyone to everyone.
…even though it was only two in the afternoon, I went to bed, pulled the duvet over my head, and remained there until my wife got home from work at just after six.
“What are you doing in bed?” she’d asked. As I opened my mouth to tell her I had a sudden flash of insight: this wasn’t just about getting stuck with my book and no one being free to bat ideas around with me. “I think I might be lonely,” I replied. “And worse still, I think I might have been lonely for a very long time.”
Loneliness is the downside of the solitude that writers crave in order to complete their work. And if, like me, you live alone, it must be recognized and nipped in the bud before it becomes depression.
Add the stress of deadlines, rejection letters, money matters, juggling writing with a full-time job for many of us, and the myriad of pressures we put upon ourselves trying to complete and publish a book and loneliness becomes only one spoke is a wheel of threats to our mental health.
Surrounding yourself with supportive colleagues via a writing group as I do, is a great way to combat the menace of loneliness. Your fellow authors understand writing time and nurture it with you, they assist with craft, lift you up on bad days, share your joys on good days. Friends and family, walks outside, an hour at the gym, there are dozens of great ways to protect your mental health, but first is to be aware that you need to protect it, and second is to be vigilant in doing so.
I swear I didn’t set out to make this post an homage to the posts of Anne Allen, but her post on “How to Write, Market, and Be Mentally Healthy by @BadRedheadMedia” has both a wonderful definition of self-care and a really fabulous list of self-care activities to keep you sane buried at the end of a post all about tools to help writers be more efficient—aka less stressed.
Here’s her summary:
Is self-care running away? Nope. It’s giving your brain and body a break. We cannot be on all the time. These activities all embrace active resting. You’re not asleep (though naps are pretty damn awesome), so you’re still stimulating your brain, however, you’re also allowing other parts of your being to chill. Pretty cool, right?
I haven’t tackled spiritual selfc are but many people do include it in mental self care, and if you are spiritual I strongly recommend you include time for prayer, meditation, congregation or whatever supports you spiritually.
This is Self Care Designed to Rescue Your Heart
Emotional self care may sound like it’s the same as mental self care, and believe me, it’s hard to have one without the other, but emotional care is about your feelings, helping you to build the resilience you need to get out of bed each morning to do this demanding, creative, solo work.
In our fast-paced, already stressful world, it is easy to neglect our emotions or to focus on the negative. We too often compare ourselves to the most successful of authors and find ourselves wanting. We struggle with negative self-talk.
But neglect your emotional needs and you end up with negative consequences, including increased stress, anxiety, writers block, and decreased satisfaction with your work and your life. In order to thrive, it is essential to prioritize emotional self-care.
A wonderful discussion of both the importance of emotional self care and some brilliant ways to practice it are in Miss Tea Positive’s “23 Realistic Ways to Practice Emotional Self-Care.”’
Your emotions, whether positive or negative, are what make you human.
Fear allows you to survive in the worst-case scenario, while uneasiness alerts you to the fact that something is wrong, and aggression helps you to take bold action and make choices. Emotions, by nature, enable us to interact effectively with others.
Overall, emotions help you to identify issues that require your attention. That is why emotional self-care is important for your emotional well-being.
By checking in with our feelings and emotions, we remain self-aware. This allows us to better and more quickly identify areas where we may be struggling and take steps to address them. This self-awareness is crucial for personal growth and development, especially for those of us working alone. With little or no other feedback but our own, recognizing our needs sooner is crucial.
Additionally, emotional self care helps reduce the risk of burnout. Taking the time to care for our emotions can help us to relax, unwind, and recharge, allowing us to be more balanced and more creative.
And for those times when we do interact with the rest of the world, emotional self care can improve our relationships with others. When we are in tune with our own emotions and needs, we are better equipped to communicate effectively and set boundaries with those around us. This can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships and a stronger support system.
Here are a few of my favorites from Miss Tea Positive’s comprehensive list of 23 recommended ways to practice emotional self care. Again, you can see the entire list here.
- Set boundaries
- Learn to say No (this is a tough one for me)
- Self-Forgiveness
- Avoid Negative Self-Talk
- Unplug
Pampering is Still Okay
I don’t want to imply that a great spa day isn’t worth its weight in gold. I would take one this instant, if someone else paid for it. Who doesn’t want ten perfectly painted finger and toenails?
I am saying that pampering doesn’t take self care far enough. Physical, mental, and emotional self care are vital components of our maintaining our overall well-being and mental health.
Prioritizing our physical and emotional needs and taking steps to care for our bodies and feelings will lead to increased self-awareness, reduced stress, enriched relationships, better health and improved writing. Through regular movement and a daily walk, some self-reflection and self-compassion, by engaging in joyful activities and seeking support when you need it, you can cultivate the emotional resilience to be a solopreneur and a kickass author. You might also lead a more balanced, creative and fulfilling life.
With perfectly painted toenails.
Amen, amen, amen!